put on a happy face :D

I don't really have anything to say but I just wanted to put a post up that isn't so depressing!

"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.
Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18 & 19

God IS faithful!

more than enough

God always has an answer for everything. Sometimes its a blessing, sometimes its plain frustrating because its not the answer we want. I had mentioned in an earlier blog about feeling like Job. Never did I think how much more I would feel like him. Monday I broke up with Justin. This was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. I say had because it was God's answer to my question and because of circumstances that led to my question. Its been a roller coaster of emotions since. Even though I have the support of many wonderful people whom I love dearly, I still couldn't help but ask the question why.

I knew why in a way because my relationship with God had grown so much while dating Justin and it made me more desperate for Him. God has placed in me a strength I never knew I could have. Yet, I still question why. I was so ready to start a family and I miss that male companionship (when things were going well) that I got from Justin.

Sunday morning started out rough and it got worse. I didnt feel like going to worship, but I knew I needed it more than ever. However, sitting in service, I was surrounded by cute, lovey-dovey couples. Normally I smile at the obsurdity of the cuteness, but that day it was just another reminder rubbed in my face that I am, once again, alone.

Back to the "God has an answer for everything," every single song we sang that day had in the lyrics about God being more than enough and His grace is enough. My first thought was, "what a copout, how am I supposed to feel that way when I want so much to be with my soulmate (whomever he is now)." But God is right (as always, once again!). I asked Him to make that real to me and allow me to be content with the situation I'm in now. I still don't always feel that way, but I'm coming closer to a heart-understanding of it.

broken once again...

I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!

I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole

i'm desperate for You

Its amazing what it takes to see our desperate need for Christ. Before I met my fiance, I told God I wanted to become completely dependent on Him. For the first time in a really really long time, I was not only content, but excited about being single. When I consciously placed Christ as my first love at the center of everything I did, my relationship with Him started growing wildly!

I was ecstatic, but then became confused. God brought Justin into my life. Knowing how I was with relationships, I was afraid that I would try to find my completeness in Justin. Through some really tough situations, I've learned that I need Christ more desperately. I've always heard keep Christ at the center of your relationship, but now I'm seeing results of doing so. He is constantly answering my prayers and is on top of it in ways that blow my mind.

He is so faithful, and even though He has brought the love of my life into my world, it has grown my love for Him even more. God's working through my life a lot. I'm a very opinionated person and my first instinct is to do whatever it takes to get MY opinion across.

My mother wisely advised me that the hardest thing to do is to not yell, but pour water on the fire. She's very right. God's given me a spirit of patience and grace and gentleness that, in my own power, would never happen. I hate that its taken this long and for a relationship to bring me to this point, this sometimes very painful point, in my life. I've learned that two people cannot work unless Christ is at the center. Even then it is a daily battle.

So whoever reads this, please pray for me! Pray that even when I don't feel like it, that I will bring only unconditional love into my relationship with Justin. Thank you :)

lovely day

Kelly and I discovered our new favorite place today. I found out we have a blue hole here too!!! The only one's I had been to are in Belize and Jamaica. But this one is only about 45 min from my house!! Here are some pics of the blue hole plus other falls around it:

go away winter! boo!

Oh my gosh!!!! Never have I been so tired of winter! Seriously, its staying past its welcome.

Along with being a nursing student comes "hyperdiagnosissyndrome". I have officially diagnosed myself with, among many other things, SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Late fall and winter, for me, brings slight depression, erring on the side of blah, lack of motivation to eat right and workout.

But when the days start getting longer and the sun shines more and there's hope of not having to throw on gloves and a scarf to walk to my car, my days are so much more pleasant and happy. I'm getting back into working out 3 times a week and I feel better already! I've even started going to the tanning bed. Not too much because I don't want to look 60 when I'm 40, but just seeking a healthy glow.

With every diagnosis, there must be an intervention and goal. Intervention: Move to Florida!! Goal: I will be living there with my honey by the time we're 30. Now all I have to do is convince him to move.....

feeling a bit like Job

Much prayer is needed in the Strickland and Hazlewood households. Justin's uncle Bebo died last night after being sent home with nothing more that could be done for him. His family is having a really tough time. I've been praying a lot for them, especially for Bebo's grandkids. They were super close from what I know. This has been one of those days where shit hits the fan.

I want to cry so bad and its right there. My Gammy (I hate to have favorites, but she is my favorite grandmother) had heart surgery a week ago. She's on a ventilator now. It sucks cause I can't go see her because she lives in Wilmington NC. My great aunt Georgia on my mom's side, from what it sounds like, is in her last few hours. Times like these, I sometimes want to be like Job's wife, but cursing God and dying aren't the way to deal with it.

Job was an amazing man of God. Praising God under the crappiest circumstances isn't what I automatically feel like doing. But maybe thats my problem. Feelings get us in a lot of trouble sometimes. We act on them. We let them control our attitudes. We let them get in the way of the big picture. I'm sure Job didn't "feel" like praising God, but he didn't let feelings cloud is understanding that God is in control. I don't understand why and how God choses His timing.

But thats ok. There are some things that are ok not to understand. It'd probably blow our finite minds if we could. I think Job understood that and praised God for who He is and how He was going to be blessed. My Mom said something that made my heart smile. "Wouldn't it be cool if Aunt Georgia and Gammy could be with their husbands again on Valentines".....