the purpose of learning is growth

First off, I'm not sure if anyone will be reading this but myself. I've never really blogged before.
Lately, I've been trying to learn as much as I can about this life I am currently starting. Well, technically it started July 27th. :) That's when FDH came into my life via the internet. I am getting so much encouragement from some pretty amazing women married to LEOs (law enforcement officer for anyone who might be reading). In doing some research, I've become so proud to soon be apart of such a great sisterhood of women.

Justin got to hang out with his friends this week for the first time in a year I think he said. I was so happy for him! He works so hard. He needed some chill time with his buds. Man I love that cop :). Through the the POWs (my nickname for cop wives) and God working on my heart, I'm learning to be more supportive and selfless towards my FDH. Its not easy. I'm so used to planning my future and what I what do to. And its one thing to start learning to plan with someone else, but its another, even harder thing to learn how to plan with someone who has a career with a schedule thats anything but normal.

I was doing so well in being supportive and sacrificing little things [such as extra time that we could be talking on the phone so he can hang out longer with his friends, etc] this week. Of course that didn't last long. He dropped a bomb. A sister PD wants him to transfer to them and is willing to pay off my entire contract with the hospital I commited to work for once graduating. That's like $10,000 extra added to his salary! When he called with the news, I couldn't tell if he was excited because he wanted the job or just amazed that they wanted him so badly.

I want so much for him to be happy and be where he wants to be, and if that means him taking that job, there are several unfortunate factors involved. 1. I don't graduate until May 2010. 2. We couldn't get married until after I graduated. 3. We would continue this sucky arrangement of not seeing each other but once a month, talking briefly 30 min a day (on a good day) + "I love you" texts throughout the day, and continuing to live 8 freakin hours away for the next 1 1/2 years. I'm sorry, but I just can't. I have to draw the line here. I just can't do it for that long. So, my heart hurts and all I want to do is just cry in the arms of my love. He asked me to think and pray about it and we will talk about it more later. He promised me that this will be our decision. That makes me feel somewhat better because he knows how hard I've been working at preparing myself for him. I just hope he knows where I'm coming from...